Why parents drink

A father was passing by his son's bedroom and was astonished to see that his bed was very nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to "DAD". With the worst of premonitions, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad; It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacey and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact that she is much older than me. But, it's not only the passion . . . Dad, she's pregnant. Stacey said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacey has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana does not really hurt anyone. We will be growing it ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacey can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your son, John

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that is in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it is safe to come home.